On May 1, a really important thing happened in New York City. The city officially named West 63rd Street and Broadway “Sesame Street” in honor of Sesame Street’s 50th anniversary. Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster and other Muppets were on hand to commemorate the awesome event. I wasn’t able to watch it live, which was sort of devastating, but I’ve seen plenty of videos since. The passion behind those who produce the show is remarkable. I’ve often wished that I could play one of the Muppets on Sesame Street, but unfortunately, I never got around to auditioning for it.

Speaking of remarkable Muppets, Donald Trump is still the president of the United States; and while it may seem odd, he’s unable to hold real press conferences, you can’t blame him, as most Muppets’ IQ’s are inordinately compromised. I know. I’ve been watching the show since age two. You may be wondering why I have such a passion for Sesame Street at my age. One might ask the same of the president. And while he may be unaware that he’s actually playing a Muppet, none of the other Muppets understand that they’re playing Muppets either. I know the show really well.

If I could give this Muppet one piece of advice, I would tell him to drop the pretense and stop lying about his IQ. It’s about as awkward and fathomable as Snuffleupagus winning a Miss USA pageant. It’s not happening anywhere, ever. I’m realizing, however, I’m probably jealous Mr. Trump gets to play a Muppet on TV and I never could. I’ve still got my humanity, though, and oftentimes I remind myself of Cookie Monster’s best ever saying, “Today me will live in the moment, unless it’s unpleasant, in which case me will eat a cookie.” Feeling better already.

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